


I Probably Shouldn't Keep This (But I'm Gonna Anyway.)

by ConstantRevision (Klamtan)



Category: DCU, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Age Difference, M/M, could be au, mentions of porn, pre slash for now
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-23
Updated: 2014-02-23
Packaged: 2018-01-13 12:49:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1226947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Klamtan/pseuds/ConstantRevision
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dick kind of likes the present Barbara gave him, and he hates himself for it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Probably Shouldn't Keep This (But I'm Gonna Anyway.)

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a manga called Super Lovers (which is pretty much Dick and Damian in an alternate universe I swear to god. Go read it and try to tell me otherwise. I dare you.)
> 
> Maybe some OOCness.

Dick knows that Barbara knows that he's got a thing for Damian.

It's a pretty big thing, Dick's gotta admit. Like, bigger than a crush thing. Maybe even a 'four letter word that starts with an L' thing. She was never supposed to find out- no one was supposed to find out- but Barbara knew Dick better than he knew himself, so of course she'd pick up on it.

Damn her brilliant mind.

It's a dirty secret that he's always planned to carry with him to the grave. It's something he knows he should never act on, and a line he should never cross. He wouldn't be able to look at Bruce in the eye for the rest of his life if he did. Or Tim. Or...anyone, really. He'd have go change his name and hide away in some faraway cave forever.

So him, telling his youngest brother that he's head over heels for the kid? Haha, yeah, no.

Dick also knows that Barbara's got a sick sense of humor, if one could even call it humor. It's more of a 'let me take advantage of your weakness as much as possible and feel powerful about it' complex, but either way, it's bad.

So, when his birthday comes around and the redhead stops by his apartment with the most suspiciously gleeful look on her face, he knows something's up.

“Do _I_ have a present for _you_ , Boy Wonder,” is her big opening statement as she wheels her way into his place.

He gulps and steps off to the side to let her in, eyeing her warily the whole time. “I'm not sure I want it, Babs...”

“And _I'm_ sure you will,” she sings, a positively devilish glint in her eyes that makes a cold shiver run down the male's spine.

“I _really_ doubt it,” he sings back, watching her carefully as he keeps a good distance away from her. Just in case. Barbara rolls her eyes and rummages through her bag for a few seconds before retrieving his present from its depths.

It's small, about the size of a DVD, and wrapped with rainbow paper. Way to be subtle about it.

“I like the colorful touch.”

“Only the best for the birthday boy.” She extends her arm out for him to take it. “Now come on, we haven't got all day.”

“Well, _actually_ -”

“Don't be a smart ass, Dick, you _won't_ want to open this with the rest of your presents.” She smirks. “But if you do, I'm not liable for anything that happens as a result.”

His eyes widen as the pieces of the puzzle quickly come together in his mind, and he stares at the package before slowly taking it, Barbara's impatience at his hesitance showing as she waves the present in her hand.

Once he's got it, he stares at it for what seems like forever.

Did she-? _No_ , she wouldn't, would she?  
…  
…  
…

Who was he kidding, she _would_. This was Barbara after all.

“I swear to all that is holy, Barbara, if this is porn-”

“Just trust me,” she insists, urging him to open it.

He lets out a heavy sigh, already knowing what it is, but when he finally opens it- when he opens it and _really_ sees what it is, he's speechless.

“Oh-”

That was Damian. That was fucking _Damian_. It had to be Damian. Who else could it be?

“That's not Damian,” Barbara clarifies, reading him like an open book. “She's got _breasts_ , Dick- though they are a little small.”

The man flushes and glances back down at the erotic cover of the DVD, but all he can see now is Damian in place of his female doppelganger. _Damian_ sitting on the edge of a bed, decked out in a maid outfit and giving him the sexiest 'come hither' look he's ever seen.

He feels so dirty, holding the porno in his hand, and he feels like a teenager who just got a hold of a Playboy magazine for the first time.

Fuck.

“I can't keep this!” He hisses at the woman, glaring wildly at the smug look on her face, as if she knew exactly what he was thinking.

“What if he finds it?! He does come to visit, you know? Lots of people do! What if _anyone_ finds it?!”

She rolls her eyes. “Then find a good hiding spot, _duh_. You make it sound like you've never owned anything like it in your life; which I know for a fact isn't true. _But_ -” she pauses for effect and tucks a few loose red locks behind her ear, “if you really don't want it...” She trails off and slowly comes towards him to take the present back.

He's never been so torn in his life. His conscious was telling him to give it back, but his desire was telling him to keep it. 

Dick glances at the cover again, then back at Barbara, then the cover once more. It was just a harmless piece of footage...right?

...

Fuck. He was going to hell anyway. He's had one to many sinful thoughts to be able to get into heaven.

“Never mind, I want it.”

The loud laugh Barbara does as the man ducks away to hide the obscene gift in his room makes him regret his decision- if only for a moment.

“Told you you'd like it! Now hurry up and get dressed; we've got a party to get to, and the guest of honor shouldn't be late!”

Dick gets changed as quickly as he can for his birthday celebration, mentally prepping himself to act as natural as possible. And everything goes smoothly...until he sees Damian and suddenly imagines several scenes he'd like to happen all too vividly.

He physically smacks himself in the face and lets out a tortured groan before spending the rest of the day trying to avoid looking straight at Damian, afraid that his eyes would reveal all, and sending Barbara angry looks when he can.

She looks far too pleased for his tastes.

He probably should've rejected the DVD.

**Author's Note:**

> *wheezes*  
> I hope this is rated correctly.


End file.
